Chain Reaction
Friday February 10th 2006, 6:54 pm
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Sometimes bad luck stems from some mundane activity that wouldn’t be considered harmful if they didn’t escalate into a series of events that would land me in another “Oh Shit” situation. I often find myself thinking, ‘How the hell did I wind up here?’ But I digress. Telling entire stories including the twists and turns and ‘wait, what just happened?’ can be tedious and time consuming, so in the interest of making long stories short, here is a list of causes and results that I have come to regard as proof that the fates were smoking something strong when they wove my string. I realize that jumping to the end of the story may lead to suspense, with some wanting desperately to know just how these events unfolded. But take comfort in the fact that I don’t care if you’re left in suspense. So there. Ha ha.

Cause: Some children were playing wall ball at the pool where I was on a swim team.
Result: I was standing on a roof holding up a metal rod. Then it started to thunder.

Cause: I had some muscle pains in my lower back
Result: I was hanging off the side of a cabin bare naked with a towel 20 feet below
me on a hillside in 25 degree weather.

Cause: I got to work early one day.
Result: I had to jump out of the back of a moving semi.

One of my friends ran out of gas in his truck.
Result: I was accused of arson.

Cause: I was walking along the street next to a residential building.
Result: I shot a man in the penis with an airsoft rifle.

Cause: We hired some duct cleaners to clean out our air conditioning system
Result: I was unemployed, homeless, and loitering outside a department store in my car.

Cause: I went grocery shopping.
Result: I had to restrain an angry Jewish woman.

1 Comment so far
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That is so bloody awesome.this shit is funckin sweet.

Comment by LUCKY 02.24.06 @ 1:47 pm

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