As many of us are aware, the Song of Ice and Fire series is a balls-out awesome set of books, which was recently made into an HBO series where the balls are equally out. Given the success of the stories in both mediums, the next obvious step is to express the awesomeness in… you guessed it. Snow flake form.
A good friend of mine, Rob St. Clair (seen here, rocking the fedora), got bored last night and made the houses of Westeros into the type of snow flakes we all used to hand cut in kindergarten. These are far more awesome though, because they’re cut with razor blades, instead of those yellow plastic safety scissors that couldn’t cut butter. See them below.
This article from Cracked.com sums up my feelings on just about everything, in the form of early 20th century photographs.
Between Cane fighting, Auto polo, Supervillain glamor shots, and what can only be described as one truly heroic mustache, anything that concerns me is directly related to one of these examples that we tragically left in the past. Enjoy.
Oh, wait. I forgot. It doesn’t cover child care.
Zombie apocalypse survival techniques are getting to be a popular fad. And although the vast majority of people think that they will survive because the watch The Walking Dead, most of them will perish anyway. And then be reanimated. Only to be killed again by one of the purists.
This new program from google is a step in the right direction for anyone who wants to form an immediate reaction plan for Z-Day. Just put in your location, and it will give you the closest gun shops, outdoor gear shops, gas stations, and sever other places you might want to raid on your way out. It even classifies Danger zones where the infection is likely to spread the fastest.
So remember, gear up quick, and get the hell out of the city.
What follows is a series of happenings and quotes that summarize of the Halloween party my girlfriend and I hosted on Saturday. The names have not been changed to protect the innocent. Screw the innocent. The names have been changed to match the costumes or general demeanor of the party’s attendants.
7:00- A gunfighter and two saloon girls are icing cupcakes.
7:20- Saloon girl #2 glues herself to a feather.
7:25- Saloon girl #2 glues herself to gunfighter.
7:45- Gay Hitler arrives.
8:00- The party is completed by the arrival of the mini ninja, the Scot, the scantily clad Indian Girl, and the Cowgirl. There was no intention of a western theme, it just turned out that way.
“Somebody should have held on to the meat cleaver!” – Indian Girl
8:30- Gay Hitler gives a haunting rendition of Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody, with backup from Saloon Girls
9:00- Indian Girl has to be taught the proper way to scalp Hitler.
9:30- Saloon Girl #1 determines that feminists are shallow.
9:40- Hitler loves choir boys.
“Magical things happen for hookers!” – Saloon Girl #1
9:45- Mini Ninja explores the relationship and differences between racism and sexual preference.
9:50- Someone is stabbed with a chimp. No serious injury.
“How do you not orgasm when you feel creamed corn all over your body?” – Mini Ninja
9:55- Irishman arrives, is immediately made gay by Saloon Girl #1’s feather boa.
10:00- Gay Hitler vs. Gay Irishman. Place bets!
10:05- Indian Girl grows a mustache much like Gay Hitler’s
“You know you would totally do Danny Devito!” – Mini Ninja
10:10- Mini Ninja takes a spurt of icing to the face.
10:20- Sinatra beats car bombs.
10:30- Mother Theresa does porn.
10:40- Pizza Roll opera is performed by Gay Hitler. Is not taken as well as Bohemian Rhapsody.
10:50- Jesus pees himself.
11:00- NASCAR’s existence is confirmed
“Think, ‘you wouldn’t want to get raped there.'” – Gun Fighter
11:30- Alcohol conquers Ireland. Again.
“Stand like this, and we can do it back to back.” – Cowgirl
11:35- Douche bags inhabit zombie movies.
11:40- Gay Hitler gets cupcaked in the ass. No, that’s a literal statement.
11:45- Saloon Girl #2 admits to speaking nonsense, then continues without any excuse.
11:50- Mini Ninja admits to cheerleader movie fetish.
11:55- Indian girl prefers to smell like vanilla bean, rather than pepperoni.
12:00- Gay Hitler mocks Mini Ninja for kissing a guy.
12:05- The aforementioned vanilla bean, Natty Light, and oral sex are held in equal respect.
12:10- Groundskeepers sleep in coffins
12:30- The economy affects even zombies.
12:35- Revenge of the dissected frog from biology class.
12:40- Indian Girl falls in love with zombie children.
12:50- The apocalypse is ruled to be weirder than UFOs.
I’m not much of a candy person. I prefer food that once had bones, mobility, and feelings. But I do enjoy snickers from time to time. And since I identify with both guys in this video, it must be shared.