eat the stupid
Wednesday July 23rd 2008, 9:15 am
Filed under: General Skullduggery,Links for the Glum

Few people know just how messed up I am better than my girlfriend, so when she saw this, she steered it straight toward me.

Hippie protesters are bad, but british hippie protesters are that much worse, because coming from a disarmed public, they’ll be that much more nonviolent, thus leaving them that much less to do in order to express their unbathed outrage to the government.

This guy from the activist group “Plane Stupid” attempted to superglue himself to PM Brown in protest to airport expansion.

A note: If you want to be taken even a little seriously, don’t include the word ‘stupid’ in your organization’s name.

Another note: If you insist on naming yourself stupid, don’t confirm the assumption by doing something normally only seen in reruns of “I Love Lucy.”
He should have used Duct Tape.

As if this guy weren’t inept enough by planning on gluing himself to the Prime Minister, he’s put over the line by attempting it, and promptly failing. No great political activism ever included getting stuck to something. This is why Martin Luther King Jr. never found it necessary to bring glue to a sit in. Next they can glue themselves to a tree to save the owls. Or better yet, just glue themselves to the owls.

If you want to accomplish something, avoid being a hippie. You can’t change the world if you can’t even change your socks.

UPDATE from Cosette: Apparently after his botched protest attempt, this guy tried instead to glue himself to the wall at 10 Downing st. Alas, he didn’t have enough glue left to finish the job, so he couldn’t stick. Too bad he used some on Brown, or maybe he would have succeeded. Instead, he likely slid back down the wall like a merry melodies cartoon and stuck to the ground.



Breaking History
Saturday June 28th 2008, 4:14 am
Filed under: General Skullduggery,Links for the Glum

If you’re French, then you’re probably not reading this, because you got tired of me mocking your country, military, hygeine, and obsession with having multiple sauces on everything you eat. But if you’re one of those French people who masochistically endures all these slights just for the scathing caress of my hurculean wit, then you’re in for a treat.

The legendary Hotel Royal Monceau in Paris is being demolished piece by piece, and you’re invited! Go to their demolition party, and break apart a historical landmark with hammers.

You know, if you can lift one.

Link



you make the choice
Friday April 11th 2008, 11:02 pm
Filed under: General Skullduggery

One of these pictures is Gary Oldman playing Jim Gordan in Batman Begins. The other one is Gary Ridgeway, the Green River Killer, who brutally killed 48 women (that we know of).

Picture 1
Picture 2

It’s obvious which is which, but the resemblance is still uncanny. As far as I know, no one has written a crossover of Batman chasing the Green River Killer who turns out to be his ally.

There’s probably a reason for that.



Notice:
Wednesday February 27th 2008, 8:26 am
Filed under: General Skullduggery

I KICKED A CAT IN THE FACE OVER A PIZZA TOPPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Allow me to explain.
Recently, I brought some pizzas to my girlfriend’s apartment to share with her and her roommate. As I was liberally dispensing crushed red pepper over my pizza, one flake fell to the floor, withing a single bound’s reach of the cat. Knowing that the cat would try to eat it, as this is not the first time she’s tried, I quickly shot out my foot to cover the pepper before she could get to it. The cat, with catlike speed, nearly beat me to it, but instead connected her face to my boot with a very un-catlike clunk. She was uninjured, as having been deterred, she resumed grooming herself.
So you see, it was in the cat’s best interest that I acted, and accidentally kicked her, leaving her no worse for the wear. Just thought I’d clear that up before I get any gripey emails from pissed off cat lovers who will remain nameless.

Probably Dindrane.



My girl
Sunday December 30th 2007, 7:38 pm
Filed under: General Skullduggery

I love my girlfriend for many reasons. One of these many reasons is that despite being all of 115 lbs soaking wet, she can not only handle a Desert Eagle .50 AE, but she can actually hit what she’s aiming at.

This girl is not her.


http://view.break.com/424799 – Watch more free videos



Finally!
Tuesday September 11th 2007, 6:42 pm
Filed under: General Skullduggery

At long last they’ve done it. Now that they can burn water, there’s nothing to stop me! I mean… nothing to stop an alleged serial arsonist.

Alleged!!!



they’re just evil. pure and simple.
Friday August 03rd 2007, 2:10 am
Filed under: General Skullduggery,Links for the Glum

NOW DO YOU BELIEVE ME!?!?!?!

How many more children must be terrorized before people will start listening to me? Do you see the horror in their little eyes?!? Do you see?!?!



it’s coming
Friday July 27th 2007, 3:50 am
Filed under: General Skullduggery

I’ll be the first to admit I’m not always right. But when you’ve been through as many psychologically scarring situations as I have, you get a kind of sixth sense for them.

I’m not saying all PETA members are delusional psychopaths who are intent on destroying anything having any association with animals, including shelters. Just that most of them are.

Some PETA members are just misguided animal lovers, who I have no problem with. It’s the terrorists that belong to the organization that get on my nerves. Specifically, the nerves that tell me when something bad is coming. I get that feeling from them. I know this article is written by the onion, which means it’s less true than some, but given the way that particular terrorist organization is coming, it’s not far off from what I see them turning into. Or rather, what they already are but refuse to admit currently.

eat this

wear this

respect this

shun this

Thanks to rob for the onion link.

Oh yeah- If any of you are needcoffee members who managed to get our own PETA shirt before we got the cease and decist order, please send pictures.



So it begins….
Thursday June 14th 2007, 2:08 pm
Filed under: General Skullduggery

I don’t know if I can take full credit for this, but I’ll certainly be meeting them on the field of glory.

I know this might concern some of you, with fears of occupation and enslavement by a horde of beret-and-suspenders-wearing circus rejects who will force you to play charades for the rest of your lives, but fear not. They’ll never set foot on the coast. And the only box they will be trapped in will be made of pine!



think what you will
Tuesday June 05th 2007, 1:12 am
Filed under: General Skullduggery

There has been some conjecture as to my involvement in this.

Think what you will. I will neither confirm nor deny it.