Here’s another priceless bit from a group called planestupid, whose ineffective antics we’ve heard of before here. In their effort to protest something or other, or promote veganism or something else that will invariable involve the word ‘green’, they have accidentally created a highly amusing video.
No one cares what they intended it for, but the funny part is that they intended it to be horrific for all who see it. Don’t think they counted on me seeing it.
Dick and Jane are the archetypal suburban children who aided us all in our pursuit of literacy.
By engaging in easily related, and easily read acts of bored inanity, they allowed us to easily recognize words such as run, go, play, and Rockwellianism.
Dick and Jane are a staple of a simpler, more innocent time, as well as a fond memory from most of our childhoods. And as such, they must be destroyed.
Dick says “This one will fetch a high price with the Chechens!” Get her Jane!
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Father accepts a package from someone in a black car with diplomatic plates. Spy Pop, spy!
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“Good news, kids! One of you will be auctioned soon! Don't worry, Dick. I still love you enough.”
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Dick likes E! Trip Dick, trip!
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Oh no Jane! Zombie Sally has found us! Jump on the boats, Jane!
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Emo Dick reads the obituaries every day. Cry Dick, cry!
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Sally eats dog food! Sally is ‘special!’
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Dick catches Jane with her dolls in compromising positions. “I’m telling mother!”
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Jane offers prayers to her new dolly idols. Sin Jane, sin!
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Father uses child labor to unload the groceries.
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“Uh-oh, Sally! Puff is in heat again!”
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Hydrophobia is a severe problem in the suburbs this time of year.
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The IRA has trained Dick and Jane very well. “Let’s teach Sally to make Plastique!”
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“Help! Police! A prohibition-era gangster stole my tricycle!”
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Whenever Dick started his roller skate shenanigans, Spot knew to head straight for the ravine.
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Please allow me to apologize for the next one in advance.
Little Timmy hates sloppy seconds.
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“Uh-oh, Darling, it looks like the kids have gotten into the stash again!” Ha-ha-ha!
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Sally begins a lucrative career with a pet ransom business.
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Dick and Jane join the local swinger’s club.
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Pop told Dick to go outside and cut a switch. “Oh no, Spot! Come back!”
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Hey, Jane! What’s Spot gotten into? It’s a hallucinogenic toad! Good Spot!
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Dick and Sally visit tolerance camp.
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“No, Dick! The cookies are for the purebred. You eat on the porch! Don’t make me use this broom on you again!”
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Big brother has important messages for Jane on the civilian-net. “Your life is a tool of the state to use as we please!” Jane loves big brother.
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Timmy sells his wares at the local Turkish Bazaar.
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‘Sally the Baptist’ is normally patient, but she needs information from Teddy now. Talk Teddy, talk!
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Zombie Sally pursues a snack.
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Oh yeah- and if you think I’m bad for going to so much trouble to humiliate childhood icons,
Few people know just how messed up I am better than my girlfriend, so when she saw this, she steered it straight toward me.
Hippie protesters are bad, but british hippie protesters are that much worse, because coming from a disarmed public, they’ll be that much more nonviolent, thus leaving them that much less to do in order to express their unbathed outrage to the government.
This guy from the activist group “Plane Stupid” attempted to superglue himself to PM Brown in protest to airport expansion.
A note: If you want to be taken even a little seriously, don’t include the word ’stupid’ in your organization’s name.
Another note: If you insist on naming yourself stupid, don’t confirm the assumption by doing something normally only seen in reruns of “I Love Lucy.”
He should have used Duct Tape.
As if this guy weren’t inept enough by planning on gluing himself to the Prime Minister, he’s put over the line by attempting it, and promptly failing. No great political activism ever included getting stuck to something. This is why Martin Luther King Jr. never found it necessary to bring glue to a sit in. Next they can glue themselves to a tree to save the owls. Or better yet, just glue themselves to the owls.
If you want to accomplish something, avoid being a hippie. You can’t change the world if you can’t even change your socks.
UPDATE from Cosette: Apparently after his botched protest attempt, this guy tried instead to glue himself to the wall at 10 Downing st. Alas, he didn’t have enough glue left to finish the job, so he couldn’t stick. Too bad he used some on Brown, or maybe he would have succeeded. Instead, he likely slid back down the wall like a merry melodies cartoon and stuck to the ground.
If you’re French, then you’re probably not reading this, because you got tired of me mocking your country, military, hygeine, and obsession with having multiple sauces on everything you eat. But if you’re one of those French people who masochistically endures all these slights just for the scathing caress of my hurculean wit, then you’re in for a treat.
The legendary Hotel Royal Monceau in Paris is being demolished piece by piece, and you’re invited! Go to their demolition party, and break apart a historical landmark with hammers.
One of these pictures is Gary Oldman playing Jim Gordan in Batman Begins. The other one is Gary Ridgeway, the Green River Killer, who brutally killed 48 women (that we know of).
It’s obvious which is which, but the resemblance is still uncanny. As far as I know, no one has written a crossover of Batman chasing the Green River Killer who turns out to be his ally.
I KICKED A CAT IN THE FACE OVER A PIZZA TOPPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Allow me to explain.
Recently, I brought some pizzas to my girlfriend’s apartment to share with her and her roommate. As I was liberally dispensing crushed red pepper over my pizza, one flake fell to the floor, withing a single bound’s reach of the cat. Knowing that the cat would try to eat it, as this is not the first time she’s tried, I quickly shot out my foot to cover the pepper before she could get to it. The cat, with catlike speed, nearly beat me to it, but instead connected her face to my boot with a very un-catlike clunk. She was uninjured, as having been deterred, she resumed grooming herself.
So you see, it was in the cat’s best interest that I acted, and accidentally kicked her, leaving her no worse for the wear. Just thought I’d clear that up before I get any gripey emails from pissed off cat lovers who will remain nameless.
I love my girlfriend for many reasons. One of these many reasons is that despite being all of 115 lbs soaking wet, she can not only handle a Desert Eagle .50 AE, but she can actually hit what she’s aiming at.
