Update! From the latest news on- “Things I’ve Had In My Lungs!”

Okay, the list of things I’ve had in my lungs isn’t all that long. In fact, with the exception of atmosphere, a good deal of secondhand smoke, a few knife points, and one very unfortunate moth, the list comprises everything there is. Until this morning.

Perhaps this is a common occurrence among most people, who will read this and think me daft, but it’s never happened to me before, so imagine my surprise when I was brushing my teeth this morning, and managed to inhale a nice gob of toothpaste.

And I don’t mean ‘accidentally-choke-on-your-water-when-someone-tells-an-ill-timed-joke” kind of inhale. I mean ‘down-into-the-bronchial-tubes-gasping-for-a-breath-that-just-won’t-come-vision-starts-to-narrow-as-you-think-you-see-a-bright-light-before-looking-down-to-behold-a-fiery-pit’ kind of inhale. With toothpaste.

I wound up slamming my abdomen into the bathroom counter to heimlich myself into coughing up enough of the mint gel to clear my airtubes. I can still feel some of it in there. Kind of burns.

Toothpaste. In my lungs. It’s a first for me.

On the upside, my breath should be minty fresh for quite a while.