western scotch-irish zombie ninja night timeline
Friday October 30th 2009, 12:09 am
Filed under: Random bits of cheese,Stains of Glee

What follows is a series of happenings and quotes that summarize of the Halloween party my girlfriend and I hosted on Saturday. The names have not been changed to protect the innocent. Screw the innocent. The names have been changed to match the costumes or general demeanor of the party’s attendants.

7:00- A gunfighter and two saloon girls are icing cupcakes.

7:20- Saloon girl #2 glues herself to a feather.

7:25- Saloon girl #2 glues herself to gunfighter.

7:45- Gay Hitler arrives.

8:00- The party is completed by the arrival of the mini ninja, the Scot, the scantily clad Indian Girl, and the Cowgirl. There was no intention of a western theme, it just turned out that way.

“Somebody should have held on to the meat cleaver!” – Indian Girl

8:30- Gay Hitler gives a haunting rendition of Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody, with backup from Saloon Girls

9:00- Indian Girl has to be taught the proper way to scalp Hitler.

9:30- Saloon Girl #1 determines that feminists are shallow.

9:40- Hitler loves choir boys.

“Magical things happen for hookers!” – Saloon Girl #1

9:45- Mini Ninja explores the relationship and differences between racism and sexual preference.

9:50- Someone is stabbed with a chimp. No serious injury.

“How do you not orgasm when you feel creamed corn all over your body?” – Mini Ninja

9:55- Irishman arrives, is immediately made gay by Saloon Girl #1’s feather boa.

10:00- Gay Hitler vs. Gay Irishman. Place bets!

10:05- Indian Girl grows a mustache much like Gay Hitler’s

“You know you would totally do Danny Devito!” – Mini Ninja

10:10- Mini Ninja takes a spurt of icing to the face.

10:20- Sinatra beats car bombs.

10:30- Mother Theresa does porn.

10:40- Pizza Roll opera is performed by Gay Hitler. Is not taken as well as Bohemian Rhapsody.

10:50- Jesus pees himself.

11:00- NASCAR’s existence is confirmed

“Think, ‘you wouldn’t want to get raped there.'” – Gun Fighter

11:30- Alcohol conquers Ireland. Again.

“Stand like this, and we can do it back to back.” – Cowgirl

11:35- Douche bags inhabit zombie movies.

11:40- Gay Hitler gets cupcaked in the ass. No, that’s a literal statement.

11:45- Saloon Girl #2 admits to speaking nonsense, then continues without any excuse.

11:50- Mini Ninja admits to cheerleader movie fetish.

11:55- Indian girl prefers to smell like vanilla bean, rather than pepperoni.

12:00- Gay Hitler mocks Mini Ninja for kissing a guy.

12:05- The aforementioned vanilla bean, Natty Light, and oral sex are held in equal respect.

12:10- Groundskeepers sleep in coffins

12:30- The economy affects even zombies.

12:35- Revenge of the dissected frog from biology class.

12:40- Indian Girl falls in love with zombie children.

12:50- The apocalypse is ruled to be weirder than UFOs.

Saturday October 10th 2009, 8:16 am
Filed under: Random bits of cheese

Sprees. They come in shopping and killing varieties.

And yet, game shows have only been made out of one of those.

Is that fair?