the art of gluttony
Wednesday December 27th 2006, 2:08 pm
Filed under: Random bits of cheese

And before you ask, yes, I’ve made an art form out of the other six as well. Wrath is my personal favorite. But this is a play by play of my dinner last night at Ruby Tuesday, where I ordered the Colossal burger.

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This thing comes with a steak knife stuck straight down the center. Some say this is to keep it together. I say they put it in so you know it’s dead. Because the use so much of the cow, a skilled veterenarian could still save it.

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So I tore into a couple half-pound patties as Robert monitored my progress with his camera phone (Here’s his place. Go have a visit and break some furniture). This is me realizing that I forgot to chew that last bite. The waitresses behind me are betting on whether or not I will keel over before I’m done.

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This is where my ability to dislocate my jaw comes in handy. This is about where I reached critical mass. If I compressed the burger any further from my Allosaurus bites, I would have to start converting mass to energy, and I didn’t have a particle accelerator handy, so I had to finish up quick.

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That puddle of grease on the left is what fell from the burger like rain off the roof. I asked Robert to stack some sugar packets under the opposite side of the plate so that the grease would pool, and not soak my fries.

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Finish line. As I cleanse my palate with the remainder of my Coke, one waitress owed another some money, and I finished off my garlic bread and decided against desert.

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“The show’s over. Why are you still taking pictures of me? Freak.”


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