Giving Thanks
Thursday November 24th 2005, 2:23 am
Filed under: Random bits of cheese

Getting together with one’s loved ones for the holidays is a tradition that goes back generations. Although usually it’s only one generation. Namely, getting together with the parents. Thanksgiving and Christmas are always interesting times of the year for my family. This is mainly because my parents and their children have little common ground. Both groups are fond of food, so that’s a start. Both are fond of board games, and so Monopoly generally plays a hand, although playing against my parents makes me wonder how they could have ever successfully raised three children without flipping out and killing the mail man or something. Because you see, my family is weird (hell, just look at this guy). There’s two yoga people, two caffine-crazed lunatics, a gardener, a NASCAR fan, an engineer, two writers, one Mary Kay rep, one college student, a movie critic, and a theater costumer. And there are only six of us. Unless you count Droopy the Penguin. But I don’t.

But despite our differences, we always have a good time together on the holidays. We’re usually in a cabin in the smoky mountains for Thanksgiving, which causes trouble for sleeping arrangements, as our circadian rhythms are completely reversed. This year we have found a solution however, as my parents are staying in one apartment in Atlanta, and my sister and I are crashing with my other sister and brother-in-law. This allows my parents to sleep peaceably whilst their children are committing midnight goat sacrifices, or whatever the hell us children are doing nowadays.

I am looking forward to this vacation, as I’ve been losing my hair more quickly of late, and so I find myself in a state of caution, which is really about as optimistic as I get. But that’s right now.

Check back in a few days.



Now for Pandora’s Book-
Sunday November 13th 2005, 3:43 am
Filed under: Things I've Stepped In That I Wish I Hadn't

I’ve been working on this for a while now-
THINGS I’VE STEPPED IN THAT I WISH I HADN’T. It’s a book that chronicles my shit luck with all things. I know you’re thinking, “Isn’t that what this blog is for?” and “Is he on some form of drug I haven’t heard of yet?” Thing is, this blog is for the day-to-day bad luck. And the occasional rant, or a preference for a moat monster. As for the drugs, No. Sadly, I am unmedicated.

Anyway, here’s a chapter out of the book I’m writing. In the spirit of putting one’s best foot forward, I’ve posted my personal favorite story (I use the term ‘favorite’ loosely, of course). Enjoy.



Coexistence
Saturday November 12th 2005, 11:18 pm
Filed under: Random bits of cheese

The real zookeeper

Here we have a 100-year-old tortise that is taking care of a baby hippo that lost its mother.

Bodyguards

A kitten making no attempt to swat the two defenseless ducklings.

one wanders off, they all wander off.

A German Shepard attending to a litter of tiger cubs

what are the spots for?

A dog taking care of a fawn that was found alone in the woods.

yummy!

And a veritable full course meal cuddling together in perfect harmony.

If all these animals can manage a peaceful inter-species coexistence, then you would think that the damn cat that lives on campus wouldn’t have a problem with me. But no. It seems to have a major problem with my left ankle. Now I have deep red furrows in my flesh that are starting to itch.

Damn cat.



From Argentina-
Friday November 11th 2005, 11:17 am
Filed under: Random bits of cheese

Phil

I will name him Phil, and he will live in my moat. Hee.



Children are the future…
Thursday November 03rd 2005, 4:42 pm
Filed under: Random bits of cheese

… or so I am told. I’m a third year psychology student with career aspirations of joining the FBI’s criminal profiling program. But in many classes included in the psychology paradigm, I need to learn about psychology of childhood and adolescence, just as any good psychologist should.

My counseling class requires me to participate in a counseling program outside of the school. My professor stressed the importance of working outside of our comfort zone, and so, knowing the type of psychology that I take interest in and that I frequently deal with undesirable people such as the type mentioned two updates ago, she suggested that I pull a complete 180 and join an educational counseling group in a kindergarten classroom. Joy.

My history with children, especially those of the small variety, is not a sunny one. My presence seems to make children grow quiet and withdrawn, and I have been known to make babies cry by looking at them. Probably because I look like a stone Golem they would like to climb on until they see me move. And so next week I get to toss the dice into a ring of six-year-olds, and hope that I come out with adequate notes for my assignment, and as few lawsuits from parents over emotional trauma as possible. Because it’s true- children are the future. Insofar as most are cruel, violent, and short.

the new McBaby